Do you follow ALL the customs of your culture? Most of us are selective. I hold dear some of the values from my Greek background. We tend to select from our culture’s values, customs, and behaviors that support our own patterns whether they are healthy or problematic.

We don’t go through a process of differentiation only once; it’s a continual process in our relationship. In truth, as we become closer and closer to our partner and more at risk of losing them (if they died or something happened to the relationship), it takes a lot of differentiation to tolerate that.

Bowen emphasized the self-development of the therapist. He was the first family theorist to maintain that it is hard for a client to mature past the maturity level of the therapist NO matter how good his or her techniques or skills. Differentiation of the therapist IS technique.