26 Jun You Can Have Sex and Feel Nothing!

Many therapists try and help couples have sex. But many people can have sex and feel nothing! You can have sex monthly or 2.3 times a week for that matter, but so what? 

The important questions are:  how do the two of them look at each other, how do they feel in the presence of each other, what does sex mean to them, what do they express in sex, and where do they go when they are having sex?

Clients must be able to see their partners as a separate people for them to remain as the object of desire.  Couples proudly say , “I know every stretch mark, every inch of him”,  “We have no secrets”, and “I know her better than she knows herself”. If you can truly see your partner as 100 percent other, then you are so much more likely to have desire. Therapy needs to help partners become the people that each other are curious about and wants to discover.  If you stay curious, then you will never fully know the other.  There will always be secrets to unlock. Always keep in mind how much easier it is to enter a person through” intercourse.” The difficulty is to try and enter your partner without having intercourse.

Many individuals say that they love how they feel when they are in an affair. If they can ignore the fact that they are betraying their integrity, they like who they are in the affair. Affairs give people the opportunity to leave behind the you, you have become in the relationship.  So in truth it isn’t that you are looking for another person as much as it is you are looking for another self!

Desire is much more likely the more proud you are of self and the more curious you are about your partner.