06 Jul Are Sexual Problems Inevitable in Long Term Relationships?

Couples today expect more out of sex and intimacy than in any point in history. Current divorce rates highlight how rarely our expectations are fulfilled.

Sexual problems, boredom, lack of intimacy, and lack of sexual desire are common and inevitable  in long-term relationships. Our insistence on: 1) getting a positive self-reflection from our partner, 2) our inability to soothe our own anxieties, and 3)  our dependence on our partner’s validation create trouble in relationships.

But these sexual difficulties can be beneficial if you use them productively!

First, don’t blame everything on your  inhibitions, culture, religion, your  past,  incompatibility, growing old or getting sick. Sexual problems are often the natural growth processes of your relationship at work in the present. To get the sex, intimacy, desire, and passion many of us want, there is a lot of growing up to do.

Going through the sexual problems helps you to develop more of a self while growing closer to your partner. Don’t forget how often  people sacrifice their relationship to hold onto their sense of self. Others will give up their sense of self to stabilize their relationship.

Differentiation is about having it both ways: having a stronger sense of self and a stronger relationship.  The solution to sexual and intimacy problems is not trying to return to the passion of the early stage of your relationship.  That is not even possible  because that’s sex between two people who didn’t really know each other.   Solving  sexual problems can helps you to develop more of a self while growing closer to your partner.  It’s not about going backwards. It’s about going forward to new passion and intimacy as adults.  Only adults can  learn to love with our heart and minds and not just with our bodies.