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Who Doesn’t Want Control?

Who doesn’t want control? Most of us want control. In fact control and power fights are rampant in relationships. You will see them frequently in therapy.

The problem isn’t control itself. There is plenty of control to go around. The problem is what you, our clients, and I want to control. Usually we prefer not to control ourselves. We prefer not to regulate ourselves. That is hard work!

Instead we want control over our partner! We want to control our partner because we aren’t very good at regulating and controlling ourselves. For example if we have a reflected sense of self, we have to control those around us to make sure that what they say makes us feel good or at least we silence them so they don’t say things that will make us sad, mad or hurt.


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